A Whatever Entry For A Stupid Person

You make my heart beat faster and slower all at the same time. There are times when memories with you are enough to get me all hyped up. For some reason, you make me happy. You give me this unexplainable bliss. A feeling that I get only from you. You may not know it.. and I don't have plans on telling you anyway. I've been told by the people who care to you know..., you're not worth it. And probably if I'd use my mind, I'd agree with them. But then again.. argh.. rhetorical na yun..

December 24, 7pm. You called me on my cellphone and greeted me Merry Christmas. and...

ok stop it na.. I'm saying too much na.. but no one reads this anyway.. so why hide? ok ok.. contradicting.

I'm not happy naman right now eh. I can't even smile. Not even a forced, fake smile. You know why? huh? Because you didn't greet me on the day itself! asshole! babaw amp..

IF I KEEP MY HEART OUT OF SIGHT
If i keep on talking now
I'll only start repeating myself
And all i can say is
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

If i slip and tip my hand
I'm certain to scare you away
Then what would i say
I'd be hurting i'm certain
I'd be uncool to let you know that you're the one
The fool who jumped the gun

'cause i've been advised by other girls
You've left behind
Your goodbyes are somewhat unrefined
But if i play my role just right

Tonight could be my lucky night
And you could be mine

If i present it to you
With a flower in the moonlight
Shiny and new
Well, you couldn't say no tonight
If i keep my heart out of sight

If i play my role just right
Then tonight could be my lucky night
And you could be mine
If i present it to you
With a flower in the moonlight
Oh, shiny and new
Well, you couldn't say no tonight
If i keep my heart out of sight

*

• I've noticed.. this month's and next month's issues of magazines are going to be all about prom again.. that's nice.. IF the admin of STC would be kind enough to hold a prom or a ball for us to at least make one night of our high school lives memorable. i mean, proms are supposed to be a night worth remembering right? but it sucks, we don't have prom or ball. people.. symphatize.. errr..
• oh my Prince Charming, come my way.. and sweep me off my feet.. you wearing your tuxedo and me wearing a precious designer ball gown. you, arriving at my doorstep with a bouquet of red roses. ride in your bentley. then we'll live happily ever after in our palace. i don't want to live in a castle.. that's so medieval. palace is better.. or the Cohen residence.. yuck.. so ideal.. *one hard slap* ok.. back to reality.. this is the effect of watching too much chic flicks.. especially dreamy fairy tale-ish ones.. lav it..
• "maiiwasan ba ang bawat sandaling ika'y laman ng isip ko.. ngayo'y lilipas na hindi kita nasisilayan.. nararapat bang pigilan ang damdamin na lalong mahulog sa iyo.."
• i was left inside.. without a clue..
• aaahhh.. gwapo voice:Yael Yuzon.. can play the guitar pa..
• "Let me know if I'm doing this right. Let me know if my grip's too tight. Let me know if I can stay all of my life.. Let me know if dreams can come true.. let me know if this one's yours too coz I see it.. and I feel it right here.. and I feel you right here.."
• "subalit ngayo'y wala na.. ikaw ay lumayo na.. naaalala ko ang mga gabing nakahiga sa ilalim ng kalawakan.. naaalala ko ang mga gabing magkatabi sa ulan.."
• "coz I.. I know I can never be enough to replace your whatever.. "

early this afternoon, i watched again "Raise Your Voice". yeah, Hilary Duff's movie.. i dunno, everytime i watch that movie, naiiyak ako. for real.. because in the story, she has an older brother but then, he died due to car accident. but basta, her kuya did things before he died just to make her dreams come true. as in they were super close and all.. my younger sis finds it weird when i cry because of the movie but then, that's because I've always wished that i have a kuya. not kuya cousin or not kuya friend or whatever fake kuya. a real kuya. ohmygawd.. i know.. i sound so desperately pathetic for wanting something i can not have. like duh! hahaha Eia and I want a gwapo and hot kuya. so that his friends would be gwapo and hot too.. haha labo.. basta.. bakit ba?

hmmm.. xmas vacation.. as of now it's been fine. i went out friday after exams with Eia, Tin, Trina and Jan. yup, they're all from section 6. went to Jan's house, then Greenhills. then met up with their soiree friends. Lee gave the 5 of us tickets to lasalle's christmas fair for free. haha 200 each din dapat un ah. lalng.. good thing pinayagan ako. I was with Eia naman eh. my parents trust Eia. so there, we were in lsgh. blah blah.. don't want to go into details.. basta we're supposed to stay there until 9 lang because there's a gig pa dapat na pupuntahan kami.. but hindi na natuloy kasi wala lang.. hehehe diba Eia?

oh.. the other day, we went to Starbucks in Tomas Morato. my dad got into a fight. with wesley gonzales. my mom, sis and i stayed inside the car lang tapos they were outside. when i saw him, i was like "ohmygod that's wesley!" i had a crush on him before kayaaa.. but he's rude and mayabang pala eh. but then, he's so tall and I like basketball players nga.. hahaha.. nakakainis lang siya.. after tuloy my dad told me something like, yan, wag ka pipili ng mga ganyan kind ng tao.. haha bakit ba?

I only need 4 more stickers to get the starbucks coffee planner. hahaha!!! Nia, masarap kaya peppermint mocha. i don't like toffee nut..

oh shit.. The OC's about to start..

week before exams=hell week.. i shooo wabs ich

this week... (monday to wednesday)

• Jha gave each one of IV-2 a rose. awww sweetie.. nakakasurprise nga eh kasi we came back from the practice house and then pagdating namin sa room, there were roses in every table. miss jha..
• Sr. Zaraspe called me "princess carlyn... princess" a lot of times nun monday... awww... hahaha bea, if you're reading this.. i know.. jealous? tsk3.. give up beafur.. joke.. i dont have a crush on him.. astig lang siya super because he's uber smarty...
• labo ng 2 tao.. nambibitin eh.. may sasabihin tapos wala. argh...
• i'm texting with Carlo and Br right now. singit kasi si BR payat nangaaway pa.. kaya hindi ko na siya bati.. *suntok*
• grrr naman.. i cant think of anything more to write..
• ooohh... Ms. Aguilar is mad at us. she's been in a bad mood lately. we're so unruly daw eh.. except me.. i'm as good as an angel..
• I WANT THE STARBUCKS COFFEE PLANNER THING... grrr...rawr..
• the basic psych elective class went to a mental asylum yesterday.. so ofcourse, bea was my partner. hahaha... fun but freaky at first. imagine, we had to mingle with crazy people. but nakakaawa nga sila eh because there was this old man.. he's really really intelligent. but maybe that was his downfall.. he has schizophrenia.. awww...
• i'm sooo busy talaga..

sucky saturday

Grrr… I so hate this friggin day due to a lot of really exasperating reasons. First, we have Saturday classes. Half day.. second, I woke up late. Around 6:10am, when my school service usually arrives by 6am. Fortunately, it’s late and got to my house like 6:30am. But still, can you imagine how stressful it is to move so fast early in the morning? Sobrang nagmamadali ako. And then, when I’m inside the car na, I remembered I wasn’t able to fix my stuffs because I didn’t have the time. I found out later in school that I left my g-tech, wallet, lip balm, perfume, alcohol, hanky, some books, and my cell phone pouch. Talk about total annoyance. So obviously, I wasn’t in my speaking mood again. If that wasn’t enough, here’s more. We have a project kasi for religion. Community profile thing. Jo and kate were my partners. Eh the submission’s last week pa, apparently late na nga. I told them dapat Tuesday this week ma-pass na namin. But they didn’t do anything!!! As in nothing.. eh since I wasn’t snappy that time, I didn’t get mad. I kept reminding them to do their part na but they’re really irritatingly irresponsible. I gave them until today, Saturday to accomplish the task I assigned to them but irresponsible talaga eh. Buwisit talaga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mygod, si Jo gumawa nun part niya but when I read it, I was like “wtf, super babaw naman ng content.” But of course I didn’t say it to her. Nakakainis talaga!!!!! Sr. Valencia got mad at us tuloy kasi I was the only one who made a personal reflection eh dapat individual yun. He said if it’s incomplete, he’ll give us a failing grade for the project. So of course, I got really really really furious. Aaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh…. I’m controlling myself lang not to say bad words. … then, I decided I’m gonna do the project on my own. Bahala na silang dalawa sa buhay nila. If they’re thaaaat negligent of their responsibilities, well, I’m soo not like them. Fuck naman talaga.. sort of nag-away pa kami ni Jo. I’m snappy today. I can’t help it so bear with it. Besides, she started it. She approached me all mataray and stuff. Kapal.

Moving on.. I was supposed to go out this afternoon. Tentative plans were supposed to be in katip, GH, and Xavier bandfest with Rhia. I betcha know what happened… this shit always happen. Grrr… pag nagka car na ako and marunong na ako magdrive, I’m gonna go out everyday. Hmph!!!! So the rest of the day, I stayed at home. Depressed, furious, mad, enraged, exasperated and the like. Everyone’s out there having fun except for me, stuck here at the center of gravity (wtf? Physics)… and no one’s texting me tonight. Only a few but eventually wala na. grrrness… nahihiya tuloy ako kay Jocas kasi we were supposed to meet up in GH. Eh he didn’t text me naman before going there so hindi niya alam na I’m not going anymore. He texted me when he was already there. Feel ko he’s mad or naiinis. Oh well.. so much for wanting to go out. Things don’t go my way. Things don’t fall into place. Everything’s a wreck. I’m sooo mad today. My eyes are puffy. I’m bored. Wala ako makausap. And I don’t want to talk to anyone naman din. So basically, this is what happened to me today. Sounds fun? Yeah.. sarcastically.. can this get any worse?

People, I’m not a brat. I don’t always get what I want so please don’t tell me that I am especially when I’m mad. Because I might just snap at you. You can tell me that when I’m in a good mood or when I’m happy para hindi ako snappy. because when i'm mad, i'll take it as an insult. but when i'm happy, i'll take it as a compliment. hahahahaha...